Sunday, 22 October 2017


I went for my annual eye test on Friday. The optician's is in a shopping centre. There are other shops there. Nice shops. Selling clothes and stuff. 
I went for an eye test and came home with some new boots, two new tops, loads of fab halloween merch from Sainsers (designed by my design bestie Lizzie,) and a new coat. A YELLOW coat! A yellow puffa to be exact. I look like Little Miss Sunshine. Or a member of the RNLI.....

Thursday, 19 October 2017

hello love

Two giraffes. 
In love. 
Just because.

I needed to draw something that didn't matter.
This was it.

Good night.

Monday, 16 October 2017

bedtime stress

Why do kids always leave it till the very last minute to sort stuff out? The youngest has had this homework report thing to do since last Tuesday. To be handed in on Monday morning. He finally did it on Sunday afternoon. It needed printing out. He decided that bedtime Sunday night would be the ideal time to do this. Just as Louis Theroux was coming on the telly. But the printer had other ideas. The printer decided to throw a diva strop. No amount of swearing, kicking, re-installing printer drivers, rebooting the wifi or plugging the damned thing in with an actual real life wire would convince the sodding thing that it was indeed connected. We had tears. We had book throwing. We had total googling meltdown. But it wouldn't print. And I missed most of Louis Theroux. 
He'll probably get expelled today 😐.

Thursday, 12 October 2017

autumn grumpiness

It's now dark on a morning when my alarm goes off. So that's me moaning all the way through to April. Apologies in advance. Roll on half term for a lie in....

Monday, 9 October 2017


Our dog NEVER gets bored of fetching a ball. Sometimes I get a bit bored of chucking it though. Just saying.

Friday, 6 October 2017

autumn v spring

I like Autumn. But it's getting very flipping chilly and dark here in Yorkshire. We are on a one way road to Winter. That can only mean one thing: time to move to Australia for 6 months. I like Autumn. But I prefer Spring...

Monday, 2 October 2017


The eldest's friend, Alice, volunteers for the RSPCA. She roped us into a little dog walk to raise funds yesterday. We had to walk around the lake at Roundhay Park with a zillion other people and their canine friends. It's not far. About 4km. We've done it loads of times as a Sunday stroll. But the way the lovely volunteers clapped and cheered when we got  back to the finish line made us feel like we'd just won the London Marathon.
So that was nice.

Saturday, 30 September 2017

september 17

September. In one easy to understand repeat pattern.

Thursday, 28 September 2017

car insurance rip off

I spent the afternoon sorting out my car insurance. It was going to automatically renew tomorrow. I could delay no longer.
I put it off last year till it was too late and it just renewed. At a price they obviously made up for a laugh to see if anyone would be stupid enough to pay it.
I was.
This year I forced myself to sort it out. 
The price they pulled out of a hat to charge me for the year was an eyewatering £1483.18. I have 10 years no claims discount. I drive a Mini. NOT a Ferrari. I have been driving for over 30 years. I don't live in an inner city theft hotspot. And I am NOT a boy racer. The only other person named on the policy is a god-damned driving instructor. Who moans if I go one mile an hour over the speed limit.
I braced myself and spent a good half hour answering stupid questions on (Other price comparison websites are available. But I couldn't remember who they were. And I was secretly after a soft toy.)
It came back with a somewhat surprising result.
The best price they could recommend was from ESURE. The company I have been bloody well insured with for at least the last 5 years. Probably a lot more. The company who wanted to charge me one thousand four hundred and eighty three quid. 
The meerkat quote was £374.97!! A quarter of the price!
The robbing bastards!
I phoned Esure up immediately and had a proper hissy fit with some poor bloke called Alex. Alex said he didn't know how that could possibly have happened and he adjusted my renewal accordingly... to £363.44.
Cheeky sods! If I hadn't checked they would have been laughing their bloody heads off and no doubt drinking champagne all week.
Thanks Meerkat. It was half an hour well spent. Even if I didn't get the toy in the end.

Wednesday, 27 September 2017

driving lessons

It's our little princess's birthday today. She's 17. Which can only mean one thing. Obligatory first driving lesson. As luck would have it the other half is a driving instructor. Like an actual real life instructor. Not just a dad who thinks he knows what he's on about. He really DOES know his parallel parking from his left reverse.
So that's gonna be a right laugh. They argue at the best of times anyway. It's gonna be all out fisticuffs now till she passes her test. I might go live with my mum and dad for the duration ....

Monday, 25 September 2017

colour rush

The highlight of the youngest's weekend, indeed the highlight of his year, was volunteering at Kirkwood Hospice's annual Colour Rush. This is our third year as volunteers. My sis and my friends and the eldest and the other kids always run in it. I'm not a runner. Ever. So I decided to volunteer instead. The youngest, motivated by the idea of chucking paint at people, decided to volunteer too.
We totally rocked it on the merchandise stall this year, then legged it down to one of the paint stations. We spent a happy hour throwing purple paint at people. What's not to love.
Same again next year 👍🏻

Sunday, 24 September 2017

crammed weekend

Another ram-jam-packed-full weekend has left me somewhat exhausted and in desperate need of an early night. Unfortunately part of the ram-jam-packed-ness involved me inadvertently getting the eldest a job while I was in the pub on Friday night. Clearing tables and collecting glasses. She had a trial yesterday and started today. 3 till 10pm. That's TEN PM. On a Sunday night. When I should be curled up on the sofa with wine. Or in bed. 
So... no early night and no wine for this mum's taxi service tonight...the joy of parenthood... 

Tuesday, 19 September 2017

smile, it could be worse...

I need a new passport. And I really need to get my finger out and send for it pretty soon. I've got the form. I've got a friend to sign the form. And I've got a photo.
The trouble is it's a crap photo. I had it taken for my Chinese visa in June. It's not the sort of photo you would wish to be stuck with on an important travel document for the next ten years. But I don't think having it retaken is gonna help. Turns out I look pretty old and ugly when I don't smile. And smiling is banned by the passport office. This photo is as good as it's gonna get.
Maybe in 10 years I won't think I look so old.....

Saturday, 16 September 2017

sweater weather

Time to get the jumper out. And wear it every day. For the rest of the year. And beyond.
I am sooo counting down to our hols. 14 weeks on Wednesday.
A couple of weeks away from the woolly pullies. Woohoo!

Friday, 15 September 2017

teenage jet lag

The eldest finished her exams in mid June and basically did naff all for the entire summer. She went to bed late and got up late. Every day. By the time she went back to school last week her body clock was in a totally different time zone. Somewhere in the mid Atlantic I'd say.
She has therefore found the transition into sixth form that bit more difficult. Dragging her grumpy arse out of bed at 7am has not been an easy, or pleasant, task. It all got too much for her yesterday. I thought she was a bit quiet. I went upstairs to investigate at 7.30pm. I found her fast asleep on her bed. Fully dressed. She's clearly suffering from extreme jet lag 🙄
So now it's the weekend. She can stay up late. And get up late. And we can do it all again next week. Yay. 

Wednesday, 13 September 2017

actually christmas is in DECEMBER so lay off the festive cheer...

People who post Christmas shiz all over instagram in September. Idiots. That is all.

Sunday, 10 September 2017

domestic goddess

When you're supposed to be doing the cleaning on a Saturday but you nick off with your sis and 5 kids and spend a lovely day in the park instead ...and put the cleaning off till Sunday. Then when Sunday arrives you nick off with the other half and the kids and go to Salts Mill instead ...and put the cleaning off till later. Then later you sit in your office and make an elephant pattern to fool yourself that you're working...
Then it gets to Sunday night and you can fool yourself no longer. So you decide to just clean the bathroom as a token gesture. But you faff about with a little blog post first. That.

Friday, 8 September 2017


Autumn doesn't mess about does it? September arrives and so does Autumn. Like whoa here I am, get your jumper on.
Not like Spring. Spring faffs about. Spring comes for a day in March, gets you all excited, then buggers off till May. Comes back for a few short bursts and then is never seen again. 
I quite like Autumn. At least you know where you are with Autumn. You can put the flip flops away and know that you defo won't be needing them again till next year. You can get the black jumper and the converse out, safe in the knowledge that that's your uniform till Spring pops it's random head round the clouds again. You have no expectations in Autumn. You know it's gonna be mainly cold, grey and miserable so you just get on with it. And cheer loudly whenever the sun comes out.
So keep smiling folks...and treat yourself to a new stop ...Winter x

Wednesday, 6 September 2017

ski school

The youngest has this lesson once a week called "Applied Resilience" It's a made up subject with a made up name. They get a choice of topics they would like to study for the year. This year's choices involved such classics as "Costume Creations" (drawing clothes) "Learn through Film" (watching telly) "Construction" (woodwork) and "Thought Republic" (arguing)
He didn't choose any of the above.
Why would he when "Ski School" was on offer?
For a tenner a week someone drives them to Chill Factore in Manchester and they get to spend the afternoon messing about on the slopes.
Beats Maths I suppose.

Monday, 4 September 2017

back to school

School starts tomorrow. 
Yay to having the house back to myself during the day.
Yay to being able to get on with some work in peace.
Yay to only having to feed myself. Or not. Usually not.
Yay to other people not assuming that as I'm at home during the school hols I must be some sort of lady of leisure, available for impromptu chats and small errands.
Boo to having to set the alarm for stupid o'clock.
Boo to having to drag myself out of bed. Then drag everyone else out too.
Boo to rushing about like an idiot on a morning and screaming about teeth and shoes and homework.
And boo to the 8 million quid I just spent in Topshop, kitting the out eldest for sixth form.
Swings and roundabouts, people, swings and roundabouts.

Saturday, 2 September 2017

full house

We have a very full house tonight.
The youngest is having a sleepover. It's for his birthday. Which was last week but everyone was on bloody holiday then. Like we normally are. Like we will be again next year. Cos having a birthday at home when all your mates are away is a bit crap.
Anyway, we took them to the cinema to pass a bit of time. But now we're back and they're all a bit manic. The other half and I have legged it to bed and left them to it downstairs.
We have earplugs. 
We're gonna need them......

Friday, 1 September 2017

august 2017

This was August.
Quite productive considering I was sat on my arse in Spain for over 2 weeks.
I'm pretty sure I don't usually manage an August.
Yay me.

Thursday, 31 August 2017

hello lunch

I was taken out for lunch at my fave place, Salts Mill, today. By two lovely FancyLondonTypes. Awesome way to spend a Thursday 🤗

Wednesday, 30 August 2017


How to get out of ferrying everyone around and general crap errands: book your car in at a garage far away for a full day service. I did this yesterday. Worked a treat. The eldest had to catch an actual bus and everything!
I'm planning on having it "serviced" regularly now. I reckon if I park it round the corner and lie it'll save me from loads of unwanted jobs. 
Of course I had to call in the services of my Dad to actually drop me off and pick me up from the garage.
Luckily he doesn't moan like I do. 
You're never too old to use Dad's Taxi Services 😊

Saturday, 26 August 2017


It's international dog day.
I've got a dog.
I've been to the pub.
Am I too late to say I love my dog?

Thursday, 24 August 2017

exam results

Well done to my little princess for fabulous GCSE results today. She rocked it with an A*, 7 A's, 3 B's and a C in further maths (which she didn't even want to take.)
And I got an A* in Nagging, an A* in moaning and an A* in drinking Pimms whilst revising.
Awesome day for us both.

Tuesday, 22 August 2017

leave. me. alone

Trying to work in school holidays.
Bloody impossible.
Today went like this:
Did 30 minutes work.
Broke off to take the eldest to my sister's warehouse where she was helping out for the day.
Arrived back and was cornered by AlbertFromNextDoor for a chat. 
Was trying to escape when AlbertFromNextDoor's wife, Joyce, came out to extend the chat.
Finally escaped and did a bit more work before the mother-in-law phoned to say she'd made us an apple pie and had it with her at her friend's house down the road and could I please drive down and collect it straight away.
Got outside to find a massive van, belonging to a bloke with no teeth who was fixing JimFromNextDoorTheOtherWay's garage, blocking the drive. 
Reversed dangerously around him to be met by DavidFromAcrossTheRoad who stopped me for a chat and discussion about how they probably won't be getting a holiday this year. 
Collected the pie and arrived back, unseen by any further chatty neighbours, to carry on working.
Broke off to feed the youngest who had finally dragged his arse out of bed.
A bit more work before the youngest's mate, Peter, turned up to see if he wanted to go somewhere on his bike.
Broke off to sort the bike shizz out.
Just getting back into my work when the eldest texted to say she was ready to be collected and could I bring the following list of items (insert long list of items including jeans, shoes, multiple makeup items, GHD's and 75 quid to give to her friend for her ticket to Leeds Fest this weekend)
Spent about 200 hours trying to find all the crap on her list. Left the house. Reversed dangerously around the toothless bloke's massive van. Called at the bank to get the 75 quid and went to collect the eldest.
Arrived at the same time as UK Mail and helped load all the customer orders they'd been packing onto the van.
Went to pick up the eldest's friend, Fiona, and delivered them both to another friend's house.
Did some more work. 
The eldest texted to say she was ready to be collected.
By this time the toothless garage man had buggered off so this saved time with my reversing and I collected number one daughter in record time.
Made food for both starving kids.
Made food for the other half and myself.
Ate the food.

Then I started work.

I'm seriously thinking of going to sit in my car somewhere in the middle of a field tomorrow just so that I can work without any sodding interruptions.

a little bit very bloody knackered

We slept for hours on holiday. The shutters on the windows made it so dark that we didn't wake up. We just stayed asleep. We had like ten or eleven hours a night. The other half also managed to fit in a siesta every day. It was awesome.
The seven hours I'm getting now is simply not sufficient.
I need a nana nap already. And it's only 9.30am.

Monday, 21 August 2017

holiday blues

Aw we had a fab holiday. It was HOT and we chilled and ate nice food and swam every day and drank cocktails. We visited some beautiful places and played cards and dominoes till after midnight on the patio. 
We also argued a fair bit and the eldest was bored and moody a large proportion of the time....but we'll just gloss over those bits I think.
Then we got home and went to the races for the weekend with friends and family and had a brill time.
And now we're back. And it's cold. And it's work. And it's rushing about. 
And I just want to go back and sit under my palm tree please.

Monday, 31 July 2017

june and july 2017

I was too busy being busy to do my blog roundup at the end of June. I'm too busy being busy now as well. But I don't want to look like a total slack arse missing TWO months. So here they are all at once. Like a bobby bonus and everything.

Wednesday, 26 July 2017

holiday countdown continues...

My body may be in rainy West Yorkshire trying to plough through a ton of work and get my shit together in time to jet off....but my head is already in the Costa del Sunshine... SEVEN MORE SLEEPS 😎

Sunday, 23 July 2017

holiday countdown

School's now officially out for summer. Woohoo. And I'm on a holiday countdown... 10 more sleeps....yaaaaaayyyyyyyy....

Thursday, 20 July 2017

donkey boy

I thought the school plays would end when the youngest started high school. I didn't bank on him having a penchant for drama. Last night we went to watch his starring appearance in the latest production. He was a donkey. Awesome.

Saturday, 15 July 2017

occasional garden visitor

Part of the fence in our back garden is broken. This means that about twice a week the pug from the house behind makes a break for freedom and does a lap of honour around our garden. He has a wee about 20 times, does some weird heavy breathing and winds Minnie up into a total frenzy by staring in through the patio doors. The first couple of times we took him home. Now we can't be arsed any more. We just leave him to wee a lot and make his own way home.

Thursday, 13 July 2017

horses in heaven

For Ayesha. My beautiful friend. Taken far too early ❤️

Sunday, 9 July 2017


We went to Manchester Art Gallery today. 
I'd like to say I visit art galleries all the time. Being an arty sort and all that.
But the truth is I hardly ever step foot in anywhere remotely arty. We sometimes do the Yorkshire Sculpture Park. But as soon as the kids noticed it wasn't "a real park....where are the swings?" it became a bit of a chore to drag them there. The other half is as much into art as he is into doing the ironing. So our artistic weekend adventures tend to be contained in a visit to Salts Mill where I look at the art supplies and the David Hockneys, the eldest looks at the books, the other half goes to the bike shop and the youngest moans his head off for an hour.
But there's a Joy Division thing on at Manchester Art Gallery at the mo and the other half is into that stuff so today we went to see some art.
We mosied round the other bits after checking out the Joy Division. Portrait galleries and everything. Awesome.

Thursday, 6 July 2017

garden update

I've sacked the gardener. 
As the other half pointed out the other week...the garden has never looked as bad as it does now. She's really lovely but she appears to have come from the PotterAndPrune school of gardening and we need someone who's more of a ChopItDownAndClearOutTheShit sort of gardener. The tree outside my office window has become so overgrown that I can't actually see out of one window anymore. And some other trees have formed a massive canopy over the decking so that even if the sun was shining we wouldn't be able to tell. She said she'd do it when it wasn't winter/wet/slippy any more. But then ditched the idea in favour of titivating the new bushes she planted. The front garden looks like no-one has lived here for 6 years. The grass was permanently in need of mowing. And it cost me £130 to hire a skip to put all the crap in that she'd cleared out of the other half's "wild area". Plus she was a bit random in the timing of her visits.
So I told her we don't need her any more. And I bought us a shiny new state-of-the-art Gtech cordless mower. It's awesome. The youngest had it out of the box and whizzed round the garden in the time it would have taken her to have a coffee and a chat.

Wednesday, 5 July 2017

yorkshire grey

It would appear that the rest of the country is basking in glorious sunshine. Apart from West Yorkshire, that is, where it is dull and grey and a little bit drizzly. For a bloody change.
I think it's time we moved. I'm not cut out for this climate. It was so lovely to be actually warm last week and wear clothes that are usually only wearable the 2 weeks of the year I'm on holiday. I'm sick of the grey. I'm sick of the cold. And I'm sick of the drizzle. ☹️

Monday, 3 July 2017

prom diddly promprom

It's been non stop action in my little life this week. After a full-on week of adventure in Hong Kong and China, followed by an 8 hour delay in Zurich, I arrived home just in the nick of time to sort out my little prom princess. Well....almost in sister had to step in the day before for the tan and nail appointments while I sipped on a nice-cold-ice-cold beer on the rather lovely streets of Zurich. But I arrived in time to ferry her about to hair and makeup appointments and to get her home in time to wiggle into the frock and pose for 20 million photos before whisking her off to PreProm. (For anyone not yet at this stage in parenthood and not up to speed with this imported phenomenon I'd like to inform you that it's not just a Prom you have to think about. There's also a PreProm and then an AfterProm. A second outfit is required for AfterProm cos who wants to wear a 300 quid dress all night when you can get changed into a little Topshop number.) I was allowed to attend PreProm (lots of parents were banned by their offspring) (I'm assuming I was allowed because I was a super cool PromMom. Obvs) Everyone took 20 million more photos then they all left on a vintage bus that wasn't dissimilar to the 666 school bus we had in 1983 (yes, our school bus bore the number of the beast) 
I didn't see her again until she phoned from AfterAfterProm at 6.40am to advise me that she was ready to be collected. She then slept all day before getting ready for the PostPromParty. 
It's all left me a little exhausted I must say. And skint. 

Sunday, 18 June 2017

father's day

A bit late in the day....been busy....but Happy Father's Day to the best Dad ever ...and to the other half too cos he's pretty good as well x

Friday, 16 June 2017

totally tropical

According to the weatherman this weekend is gonna be HOT. Even in Yorkshire. My sister has bought a paddling pool and supersoakers for all the boys to use tomorrow, in anticipation of such an event. So it better be totally flipping tropical now.

Thursday, 15 June 2017

new business cards

I'm going to the Far East at the end of next week. I suddenly remembered that when I used to go in my previous life everyone went a bit mad with the old business cards over there. Well I haven't really needed any for the last sixteen years so I was feeling a little empty handed. I figured it was time I had some made. So I got on the job and I am now the proud owner of 50 shiney new cards with 25 different pics on the back. Hoping that business card swapping is still a thing.....

Monday, 12 June 2017

marks and sparks

I was shopping for birthday cards in M&S last week and came across these. I shoved them in my basket to buy them. Then I realised that I actually designed them. Ha ha, I'd forgotten! I did loads for Tigerprint last year. These come in a pack of 9 cards....for a fiver! What sort of bargain is that! Snap them up quick while stocks last!

Thursday, 8 June 2017

vote now

At last, it's election day. Thank god for that. I am so over people telling me who to vote for on social media. People I previously liked have been getting right on my bloody nerves with their boring political posts and instructions that I should vote one way or another. I've had to hide loads of 'friends' for the duration because they have been responsible for increasing my stress levels. I will vote thank you. And I WILL vote for who I sodding well bore off!

Tuesday, 6 June 2017

exam fatigue

I am beyond bored of these exams. Last night's revision was geography. I feel I should perhaps sit the bloody thing myself now. With my extensive knowledge of ageing populations and urbanisation I'm well on target to get an A*.
But at least I'm not on taxi duty today. The school is a 15 minute drive away and yesterday I went  three times. THREE TIMES! And back three times! That's 90 minutes actual driving time. Not to mention the time sat waiting outside school like an idiot while she catches up on the goss with her mates. Like I don't actually have a list of work as long as my arm to plough through. 
It's German tomorrow. I can tell you now I am not gonna be any help whatsoever in THAT revision sesh. Think I'll go out tonight...

Sunday, 4 June 2017

summer camp

The youngest has been away with Scouts all week, camping 299 miles away in Torquay. It's been very quiet without him. And a bit tidier. But the little angel is home now. Hurricane Alfie has returned and the house is a tip again :)

Friday, 2 June 2017

menudos cuadros little friends are now available as prints from the fabulous Menudos Cuadros. Go buy one quick, your walls will thank you!
Available here

Thursday, 1 June 2017

may 2017

This was May...